Advice Duo ... Bros before hoes

Dear Duo, My roommate is my best friend at Brockport. We spend most of our time together, eating, chilling and going out on the weekends. Lately, this girl in our hall has been stalking him like crazy. She is the most annoying person on the planet. All she does is flirt with him and comes over to our room all the time. He says he doesn't like her, but still won't tell her to get lost. Now she comes along whenever we go somewhere (most of the time she invites herself) and I find myself looking for ways to avoid both of them now, which sucks since I'm losing my best friend. How do I explain this to my roommate? I don't want him to be offended, but this girl is too much to handle. Help!


- Neglected bro



Dr. Fill's Advice


There's not much I can do for you apart from analyzing the situation according to what you've told me and drawing my own conclusions regardless of what you've said. I can't personally tell this girl to get lost. I can't personally tell your best pal to grow a pair. I'm not even in a position to blackmail the mystery female into never showing her face again.

Having said that, I think I know what your problem is. You're not getting laid.

Let me spread it out for you. You and your roommate are tight, right? So tight, in fact, that you happily spend most of your time together. If you didn't live together, you'd probably hang out all the time anyways. You guys are more than besties. You're bros.

Then, one seemingly normal day, a girl appears on your homie's arm. This isn't just any old girl, however. This girl is literally "the most annoying person on the planet." She never stops doing the most irritating things imaginable, like flirting with your hermano and occasionally visiting him at his room. I'm guessing she even has the audacity to hold his hand in front of you.

How dare she.

It's alright, you know. For thousands of college students all across the country just like yourself, each and every semester is little more than a constant struggle to get their freak on. It looks to me like your friend has succeeded, leaving you in the dust. In his excitement, he has started hanging out with this girl - sometimes even on the weekends - in hopes of keeping his freak switch to the on position.

But just because your freak is so hopelessly off doesn't mean you and your heterosexual male partner aren't tight anymore. I mean, you do live together. So start making the most of the time you have when she's away. I know it's tough, only having him to yourself for 20 or so hours a day, but humans are adaptable creatures.

It sounds like you guys are in desperate need for a heart to heart sit-down together. (I always recommend The Olive Garden for these sorts of things. Try the gnocchi.) I'm sure two can make it work, but only if you try. Relationships take effort, and you have to remember that he's managing a whopping two relationships now. Trust me; you two will grow tighter through this difficult experience.

I have one more piece of advice for you before I go, and it's very important. Read When I Knew by Robert Trachtenberg. I've heard it's a powerful book and the first thing I thought of after reading your letter. Good luck.





Goody Two-Shoes's Advice


This situation is common; sometimes girls just don't get the hint they are not liked. When a girl likes a guy, she looks for the smallest act of kindness and blows it way out of proportion, telling herself he likes her back, even though he was probably just being nice. You always want to be clear in the beginning because things could get messy. From what you say, it already has.

This reminds me of the TV series "Family Matters." Poor Laura dealt with Steve Urkel all the time. The little acts of kindness she showed Steve made him think that she liked him more than just friends. He created his own little fantasy world about the two of them. She got annoyed, her friends would be mad because he wouldn't leave them alone and she wouldn't know what to do. Steve followed her everywhere and tried to do everything with her.

Her theory was to be mean and to say "Go home, Steve." It worked for her because he would leave until he found the next annoying thing to do.

I am not saying to have your best friend tell her to go home, but maybe have them sit down and talk to each other and get it straight that he doesn't like her the way she likes him. It's not nice leading someone on, and they are going to both get hurt if it ends badly. Sit down with your friend and clearly explain the situation from your point of view. Do it nicely so he won't be offended, but tell him the truth without sugarcoating it. Help him understand the situation and that you both need to do something about it.

Talking to her is the best idea; see what she has to say about the situation. It might be nothing, and she might just want someone to hang out with and thinks that your friend is cool. But figure it out first before you completely lose your friendship over a girl. I know that losing a friendship, whether it is over a male or female, is never the right thing to do. You don't want to assume something that isn't true, because as the saying goes you don't want to make an ass out of yourself.

Talking is always the solution; we don't need another Steve Urkel around here or worse his cousin Myrtle Urkel who falls in love with Eddie. The moral of this little piece of advice is always be up front and honest with a person because things are always blown out of proportion if you dont.